When the Foundations Shake

I haven't written here in years. I have never been good at journaling into the void. I grew discouraged when even my closest friends and family stopped reading and commenting. This is partly why I have renamed this blog NOBODY READS THIS BLOG - I need to stop writing performatively and start writing what is in my heart - with no thought of who might be reading it.

So here we go. I have had an amazingly difficult Summer. Menopause is here with a vengeance and the emotional fluctuations have been... difficult. I am on a hair-trigger which has made living with me a bitch. I don't really want to do hormone therapy because I want to get through this naturally and I don't have insurance. I should be exercising - but I don't. Or at least not with any regularity. My sleep has been troubled, my dreams violent or tragic or both.

I long ago made a marriage with a man who was both my perfect match and who has vast insecurities leading to an emotional language that can be both devastating and insensitive. Many of the times in my life, when I have been at the lowest, he has chosen to point out my faults rather than simply comfort me. The funny thing is, I think I am the same towards him. It is a very bad habit and one that I would like to overcome - I just don't know where to start.

All of this has left me feeling like I am living in the aftermath of an earthquake.