Da Boss says GET BACK TO WORK!!!

After 4 days living the live of a penitent in Migraine Land, I woke this morning clear-headed and anxious to get back to work.

So I started up my instant boss and set him for eight 30 minute sessions. Who or what is my instant boss you ask?

• He came from here: http://appsapps.info/instantboss.php
• He is a slightly more sophisticated version of an egg timer, and he keeps me on the straight and narrow.
• He is a physical manifestation of my sub-conscious desire to keep working.
• He also reminds me to get up every 30 minutes and walk around - something it is very easy for writers to forget!

Peyton will be happy I am back in the saddle - he has tried to be patient with me during the synaptic revolution, but the fact that the students have left the barricades and we can get back to work is a relief!

The Boss is clearing his throat; I've got to go!

Demons Live in my Head

There are very few things that can stop the stories in my head.

Once, for a period of years, I stopped writing or telling them. I dammed up my mouth, clouded my eyes, and stoppered my ears. The stories trickled out through the cracks in ever increasing volume until a great flood of pent up creativity nearly drowned me.

Today, I have a migraine. The only force in nature that can stop my creativity at the source.

Unemployed is Just Another Word for Full Time Writer

I've lost another job, and when I was summarily handed my walking papers on Monday without notice, a little part of me jumped up and said Squeee!!!

I have the worst luck when it comes to jobs. This last one, for instance, was the perfect job - I had all the right skills, it paid well, there was opportunity for advancement, it was only part time work for the first year, with an anticipated rise to full time over the summer - in short, it would pay the bills, give me something interesting to do and allow me to finish my novel all at once.

What I didn't anticipate was a boss (who hired me to take over) unwilling to allow another person to take over. Yep, it was classic internal conflict played out in uncomfortable office politics. It seems the boss had imagined handing the organization off to a clone of himself, and when I didn't fit the mold things became dicey. So, a few 'missteps' in funding applications, a few 'crossed wires' with sponsors and suddenly there is no money to pay me, so vwla la - I am done for.

I should be sad. I should be concerned for the future. All I can think is: Woot! I can write all day every day until I find another job!

My work life is in shambles, but my personal life is rock solid and the Novel is on-track for being hard-edited and ready to submit by July - earlier if I don't find work right away.

One benefit to not being able to afford food - dieting is easy!

You Change Your Dress, You Change Your Shoes...

...The one thing you can't change is you.

My name is Eddie and I am a procrastinator. Is there a Procrastinator's Anonymous? I need one. I need a butt kicking sponsor who won't believe my bulls#!t. I need a concerned party who will not stop believing in me while they are locking the doors to the Google cabinet. I need recipes for distraction free living. I need to finish my book.

For me, the editing process is not nearly as worry free as the composition stage. When I am writing I am generally functioning in pure adrenaline mode. The story flows from my fingers, shiny and fun. I am consumed. I dream about my characters, my setting, my plot. At this stage, everything I write is brilliant - funny - emotionally true. It is a euphoric feeling. When in the first blush of writing I will often corner unsuspecting friends and family member to read a paragraph, a page, a perfect sentence - smugly confident in my own brilliance.

Editing sheds the harsh light of reality on my scribblings. Disjointed sentences are trumped by poorly illuminated ideas. What was screamingly funny in the writing process is now hopelessly banal. What was sharp wit turns into bog-laden description. Editing forces me to face the truth - writing is hard work. a book is a sculpture, a painting, a mosaic. It is NOT a digital photo taken with auto-focus and perfect natural light.

So, procrastination be damned! I will finish this book, because I must. Even if I don't like it very much right now.

In a Funk... and Not Feeling Like Dancing.

Sometimes life is a good analogy (bowl of cherries, sailing along, a breeze, a lark), and sometimes it is bad reality (In the doldrums, hard times, the pits, it sucks). I can accept these ups and downs as a regular part of life. In fact, I kind of enjoy the roller-coaster nature of my life in general.

This year, however, I am dealing with a new kind of challenge. My life is alright. Not good, not bad, just alright. I don't cope well without crises, without excitement. I find myself waking up to... meh.

I think it might be time to stir things up a bit.

I'll keep you posted.

Of Summer Days and Snow - Spring in the Rockies

Spring in the Rocky Mountains can be unpredictable to say the least. In the last two days alone we have seen 81 degree weather followed by 4 inches of snow. Residents here have the wearing of layers down to a science.

And This Little Piggy Went Wii, Wii, Wii

The problem with writing is it is a sedentary occupation and if you are not a starving writer, then you can be cursed with a waistline that expands in time with your word-count.

I know some writers who can dictate their stories and with the advent of speech recognition software, are no longer tied to their desks. A friend of mine calls it walk and talk. Problem I have is that the rhythm of a story told out-loud is different for me than one that is written and I can't seem to 'tell' my stories in novel form - I have to either write or type my novels.

Others have taken a more mechanical approach:

I like this solution, basically you walk at 1 or 2 miles per hour while you type. If you write for 20 hours a week, you can easily burn 100,000 extra calories a year just by making this simple change to your writing desk. That is a whopping 385 calories a day, burned while you get your words on paper - all without breaking a sweat! Hopefully my lack of coordination would not be too much of a problem at 1mpg. Unfortunately, treadmills cost upwards of $5,000 and take up a great deal of space. Until I sell a few books and move to a bigger house or apartment, this one just isn't happening!

Recently, my GrandBoys got a Wii, and we have such fun playing tennis, golf, boxing and baseball with them that we decided to get one for our home as well. We also decided to invest in the Wii Fit as part of a special offer. I must say, I am pretty impressed.

My husband and I are each doing a 30 minute workout every morning, and in just a few days I have already noticed an improvement in my balance. The balance factor wasn't even one I considered, but as I have a slight curvature of the spine which makes me very clumsy - learning to correct my balance and control the muscles involved is hugely beneficial. That was unexpected. Whether the Wii will actually help control my middle aged spread is yet to be determined.

I am hoping to get to the point that I can complete a 1 hour workout each morning as a spur to weight loss and a motivating factor to get my writing done! I notice that I am less likely to dither about on the internet after exercise. One last fun point - even though I think my balance is horrible, the good posture that my mother drilled into me as a child hasn't deserted me, and the Wii Fit places my real age at 37. I'll take that!

Waiting...

Waiting...

Waiting...

Still waiting....

One of the worst things about being an author is the delay between effort and response. None of the creative art-forms I have been involved with in the past have this kind of delayed gratification.

Music? You practice, practice, practice until one day, a few minutes after practice - you perform.
Drama? The same.
Floral Design? One day from raw stems to completed and displayed sculptures.

But writing? Months of work followed by a dead space as people absorb what you've sent.

Will they like it?
Does it suck?
Is it worth continuing with?

Oh, God! What if they love it? How will the next bunch of chapters live up to these?

Waiting....

Fever Dreams and Other States of Being

Do you dream?
Do the images come to you as fragments or as part of a contiguous story?
In color or black and white?
Can you taste? Smell? Feel in your dreams?

My dreams are vivid, movie-like and tangible. I often wake with a taste on my tongue or the echo of a tune in my ear. Much of the inspiration for my writing comes through dreams. I fall to sleep willing, even eager for the embrace of my dreams. I am a child begging for a story and my dreams rarely disappoint.

Except when I am sick. Cultural expectations are that fever dreams are more vivid, more visceral. for me, it is the exact opposite. When I am sick my dreams retreat to mere flickerings, incoherent and jumbled. Colors are muted, the senses muffled. It is one of the primary reasons I hate being sick - the feeling of being cut off from my creative center.

This is the first time in my memory that I have been sick while in the middle of a successful creative period. My writing is going well, the first five chapters have been massaged and edited, and the entire book is taking shape in a manner I have never experienced before. So this time, the fever dreams came and I pushed back. I demanded clarity. I don't have time for this shit!

I was left with vivid flashes - the sight of a stranger's face, the fading sound of the last note of a concerto, the whisper of silk on my skin - but nothing is connected, I can't grasp the story.

Is this how you dream?

Prescience is a Curse

Fie on foreknowledge, oh cursed villain! 

Knowing the future is not just a gift, it is also a curse; especially for a writer. When you know the future it can be difficult to control the past - to tell events as they 'really happened'. The knowledge of what is to come is bound to color the perception of the present. In my case, it is the circumstances surrounding a certain character whom I plan on developing into the villain of the Arc Rider series.

I need him to be viewed as a hero in the early part of the series (Book 1, 2 and half of 3) with his dastardly nature only gradually coming to light. I need to leave hints, but only hints. This is not a Snape type character who is basically unlikable. This guy is supposed to be everybody's friend, a true inspiration to my characters. I want his betrayal to hurt - to cause readers to throw the book across the room and then rush over to pick it up again just to see how I get the ba$!@$d. I need to embed hints and foreshadowing in the books, but must play it close to the vest. After all, betrayal at the hands of our closest friends is the kind that hurts the most.

Problem is - I don't like the guy - and it shows, all over the place in my first draft. I thought he was being helpful, but a re-read proves he is condescending. I tried to make him smart, he is a know-it-all. I wanted him to be caring, he is patronizing. SIGH.

In order to conquer this, I am taking a slight detour from the rest of the novel, to re-write a scene or two from this character's perspective. To get inside his head. To find out who he is before he goes bad. I am having to learn to like him.

Of course, I already know what this means. I too will feel the betrayal when he turns. I will be unable to insulate myself from the pain, because I will like the guy. Sheesh! Prescience is a curse.